This previous Saturday I discovered that one of my good friends from back home had committed suicide the night before. This struck me deep in my heart. Not only was my friend now gone from this world, but he had passed on to the next by his own doing. I had talked to him just three months ago and I would have never guessed that he had sunk into so much darkness as to make such a rash decision. Why did he do it? what was going through his mind? What drove him to this madness? Where was his cry for help? Did anyone hear him?
As these things run through my head my heart only becomes more and more heavy with grief. Hope becomes a dry desert. In all of my hurt and pain I stop and realize something. I can't imagine the pain and emptiness that my friend must have felt to feel that the only way out was to leave this world. The more I try to feel his pain, the more I realize I can't. He had slipped into a deep darkness that consumed his soul and his very being. It's sad that through his searching for truth and light he was unable to find his way out of the emotional and spiritual rut he was in.
The one thing that gets me the most and makes me feel the most frustrated is that I was powerless to do anything about it. I didn't talk to him every day, I never saw him consistently. There wasn't anyway for me to know what was going on in his mind and in his life. We no longer shared life as we once did when we were younger. I'm not even sure if I could have made a difference in his life. All I know is that I was not given the opportunity to be there for him in his greatest time of need.
Since I have heard about his death, he is all I can think of. Even in my time of reflection I include him in my thoughts of life and meaning. There are many questions I have that will take patience to be answers.
I will miss my friend dearly.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Lost in a world of sex
Something that has stared me in the face time and time again through conversations, my own thought process, and living life is relationships between men and women. Now being raised in the church, where this subject is very controversial, I always believed this: relationships are to find a spouse, there is one person that God has made for you, sex should never be thought about or discussed in any context, sex outside of marriage was bad, and marriage should last a lifetime. While I agree with some of these statements, I can't help but question its authenticity. Does the church have a distorted view of relationships and sex? If it does then what was Gods true intent for us when it came to relationships?
As an American, I have been raised in one of the biggest cultures that revolves itself around sex and relationships. Sex is everywhere you turn; in music, TV, advertisements, magazines, books, video games, movies, in humor, government, schools, the mall, grocery stores, on the internet, and every other source of media that you can possibly think of. Sex is seen as something that is fun and should be experienced in many forms and ways. Relationships are just ways to "try someone out" before a real commitment. Sex and relationships no longer have any boundaries and everything is viewed as right in the spotlight of the media. Its described now as art that should be looked upon by everyone. No longer is it wrong to watch pornography because its just a way to learn or just another way of entertainment. It is now a good thing to talk about sex even in the most raunchy context even if degrading to both male and female. The only funny jokes are about sex or being tied down by a relationship or marriage. This is the world I have grown up in and have been influenced by just like every other American living in these modern times. We are are consumed by these ideas while trying to walk aimlessly in a world of sex.
It's hard to believe that there is so little knowledge of these matters left in the world. The church want's to know nothing about sex while trying to apply modern culture to the Bible, while the media and world miss the concept all together. We are now living in a world were we are bound by these ideas. We accept them and know them as good but yet our hearts and souls cry out for something more, for true meaning. Show me where justice and freedom is in any of this. The more I think about it, the more conflict arises inside of me. What was God's true intent of relationships, of marriage, sex. Why have we come to the place we are at? There are so many questions left unanswered.
When thinking about the churches view of sex and relationships, there are a couple of things I agree with fully. One is that sex was created to be a beautiful, sacred thing shared between a husband and wife. The bond that sex creates between two people is so much stronger when kept sacred and "holy". When not kept in a marriage, sex becomes something that is fun and enjoyable. It's no longer sacred, it's no longer beautiful. Our hearts become shallow and there is no longer a satisfaction in our hearts.
The second thing I agree with is that marriage should last a lifetime. Marriage too is something that should be kept sacred. I mean, you are making a life long promise when you say your vows right. Or do most people have there fingers crossed? Marriage is one of the most amazing things ever. Two people, uniting as one, to share life together, to start a family together. It's a big deal.
The things I find wrong with the church and its view on sex and relationships is that sex is something that should be talked and thought about. With the media's view of sex always in our faces, I think its very important that we, as the church, should talk about sex in a Godly manner as well as raise our children to understand sex and marriage in a biblical scene before the media gets to them first. It's not wrong to talk about sex. There's a whole book in the bible written about it. If we are not influencing ourselves with the right stuff then it will defiantly be the bad that is our main influence.
When it comes to relationships, the church always promotes the idea of finding the one person that God made for you and that its important to date to find that person. Now this idea can and sometimes does lead to the thought that in finding this person the relationship and marriage will be perfect or at least have a perfect , everlasting love. I cannot believe in this concept at all. Because we are humans who are sinful, our relationships with each other have forever been cursed. Therefor, there is no way that you could always love someone or should I say, have feelings of love for someone. It's impossible! How could have those feelings for another person for the rest of your life. There are times in my life were I have feelings of disgust and jealousy toward people that I am very close to and all my feelings of love fade away. Sometimes I even draw back my feelings of love from God become of bitterness or distraction in my heart. So with this said there is no way that there is just one person out there for each of us because love is a choice. It is very possible to choose to love someone every day for your whole life. How? Love is so much more than a feeling. Even when my feelings of love slip away from me I will always love my mother and father, brother and sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and friends. This mean that when it comes to a marriage, love is something you have to chose deep in your heart. This doesn't mean that a person can or should marry anyone. It just means that maybe out of all the women in the world (or men in the world in a woman's case) the one you choose is the right one for you. When there is a bigger choice, there is a greater love.
Even though i speak very strongly about is idea I do not claim it to be the right thing or the only thing. At this time this seems to make the most sense to me.
I have talked to many of my friends lately about dating relationships (this is something that is very normal in our culture and I by no means think its wrong in any way to date some one), but after hearing other people talk about the same ideas that the church has about dating and marriage, I can't help but question the authenticity of dating. Maybe dating isn't the way we should approach marriage. Dating is something that isn't even biblical. This idea has only been something practiced in about the last 80 years, and since then divorce rates have increased along with non marital relationships. Dating has seemed to have relaxed the standers of marriage. Maybe we should go back the ways things were when people would marry someone they hardly knew. Perhaps we should try something new all together. I'm not entirely sure on what to do. All I know is that we live in a time where we are all amateur lovers lost in a world of sex, trying to figure out whats right, what will bring the most meaning to our lives.
As an American, I have been raised in one of the biggest cultures that revolves itself around sex and relationships. Sex is everywhere you turn; in music, TV, advertisements, magazines, books, video games, movies, in humor, government, schools, the mall, grocery stores, on the internet, and every other source of media that you can possibly think of. Sex is seen as something that is fun and should be experienced in many forms and ways. Relationships are just ways to "try someone out" before a real commitment. Sex and relationships no longer have any boundaries and everything is viewed as right in the spotlight of the media. Its described now as art that should be looked upon by everyone. No longer is it wrong to watch pornography because its just a way to learn or just another way of entertainment. It is now a good thing to talk about sex even in the most raunchy context even if degrading to both male and female. The only funny jokes are about sex or being tied down by a relationship or marriage. This is the world I have grown up in and have been influenced by just like every other American living in these modern times. We are are consumed by these ideas while trying to walk aimlessly in a world of sex.
It's hard to believe that there is so little knowledge of these matters left in the world. The church want's to know nothing about sex while trying to apply modern culture to the Bible, while the media and world miss the concept all together. We are now living in a world were we are bound by these ideas. We accept them and know them as good but yet our hearts and souls cry out for something more, for true meaning. Show me where justice and freedom is in any of this. The more I think about it, the more conflict arises inside of me. What was God's true intent of relationships, of marriage, sex. Why have we come to the place we are at? There are so many questions left unanswered.
When thinking about the churches view of sex and relationships, there are a couple of things I agree with fully. One is that sex was created to be a beautiful, sacred thing shared between a husband and wife. The bond that sex creates between two people is so much stronger when kept sacred and "holy". When not kept in a marriage, sex becomes something that is fun and enjoyable. It's no longer sacred, it's no longer beautiful. Our hearts become shallow and there is no longer a satisfaction in our hearts.
The second thing I agree with is that marriage should last a lifetime. Marriage too is something that should be kept sacred. I mean, you are making a life long promise when you say your vows right. Or do most people have there fingers crossed? Marriage is one of the most amazing things ever. Two people, uniting as one, to share life together, to start a family together. It's a big deal.
The things I find wrong with the church and its view on sex and relationships is that sex is something that should be talked and thought about. With the media's view of sex always in our faces, I think its very important that we, as the church, should talk about sex in a Godly manner as well as raise our children to understand sex and marriage in a biblical scene before the media gets to them first. It's not wrong to talk about sex. There's a whole book in the bible written about it. If we are not influencing ourselves with the right stuff then it will defiantly be the bad that is our main influence.
When it comes to relationships, the church always promotes the idea of finding the one person that God made for you and that its important to date to find that person. Now this idea can and sometimes does lead to the thought that in finding this person the relationship and marriage will be perfect or at least have a perfect , everlasting love. I cannot believe in this concept at all. Because we are humans who are sinful, our relationships with each other have forever been cursed. Therefor, there is no way that you could always love someone or should I say, have feelings of love for someone. It's impossible! How could have those feelings for another person for the rest of your life. There are times in my life were I have feelings of disgust and jealousy toward people that I am very close to and all my feelings of love fade away. Sometimes I even draw back my feelings of love from God become of bitterness or distraction in my heart. So with this said there is no way that there is just one person out there for each of us because love is a choice. It is very possible to choose to love someone every day for your whole life. How? Love is so much more than a feeling. Even when my feelings of love slip away from me I will always love my mother and father, brother and sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and friends. This mean that when it comes to a marriage, love is something you have to chose deep in your heart. This doesn't mean that a person can or should marry anyone. It just means that maybe out of all the women in the world (or men in the world in a woman's case) the one you choose is the right one for you. When there is a bigger choice, there is a greater love.
Even though i speak very strongly about is idea I do not claim it to be the right thing or the only thing. At this time this seems to make the most sense to me.
I have talked to many of my friends lately about dating relationships (this is something that is very normal in our culture and I by no means think its wrong in any way to date some one), but after hearing other people talk about the same ideas that the church has about dating and marriage, I can't help but question the authenticity of dating. Maybe dating isn't the way we should approach marriage. Dating is something that isn't even biblical. This idea has only been something practiced in about the last 80 years, and since then divorce rates have increased along with non marital relationships. Dating has seemed to have relaxed the standers of marriage. Maybe we should go back the ways things were when people would marry someone they hardly knew. Perhaps we should try something new all together. I'm not entirely sure on what to do. All I know is that we live in a time where we are all amateur lovers lost in a world of sex, trying to figure out whats right, what will bring the most meaning to our lives.
Whats been on my mind
This is something that I have thought a lot about lately dealing with my purpose as a human being. There are many things the world and media try to put in our heads about what life is and what our meaning and what our goals should be. Reading this article has given me incite on how I should take the approach to thinking about and viewing the way I live and what I should be striving for. Reading this may not have the same affect on you that it did on me but that's what is suppose to happen. I hope your view and way of thought is challenged by this.
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