This previous Saturday I discovered that one of my good friends from back home had committed suicide the night before. This struck me deep in my heart. Not only was my friend now gone from this world, but he had passed on to the next by his own doing. I had talked to him just three months ago and I would have never guessed that he had sunk into so much darkness as to make such a rash decision. Why did he do it? what was going through his mind? What drove him to this madness? Where was his cry for help? Did anyone hear him?
As these things run through my head my heart only becomes more and more heavy with grief. Hope becomes a dry desert. In all of my hurt and pain I stop and realize something. I can't imagine the pain and emptiness that my friend must have felt to feel that the only way out was to leave this world. The more I try to feel his pain, the more I realize I can't. He had slipped into a deep darkness that consumed his soul and his very being. It's sad that through his searching for truth and light he was unable to find his way out of the emotional and spiritual rut he was in.
The one thing that gets me the most and makes me feel the most frustrated is that I was powerless to do anything about it. I didn't talk to him every day, I never saw him consistently. There wasn't anyway for me to know what was going on in his mind and in his life. We no longer shared life as we once did when we were younger. I'm not even sure if I could have made a difference in his life. All I know is that I was not given the opportunity to be there for him in his greatest time of need.
Since I have heard about his death, he is all I can think of. Even in my time of reflection I include him in my thoughts of life and meaning. There are many questions I have that will take patience to be answers.
I will miss my friend dearly.
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